


When I'm With You

by the2fast2u



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, one sided feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-14
Updated: 2014-06-14
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:05:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1785085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the2fast2u/pseuds/the2fast2u
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama falls in love with Hinata and doesn't want him to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I'm With You

“Kageyama was too much of a control freak.” “Kageyama didn’t let people play for fun.” “Kageyama was too forceful on his team.” “It was no fun playing with Kageyama, so we decided to simply ignore him and his orders.” I’ve heard those sentences over and over again and yet they didn’t bother me too much. I knew they were lies and who am I to judge liars when I’ve been one for so long? I had always been comfortable with my sexual orientation and my family had never judged me. However, outside my family the story was completely different.

I came out in middle school when one of my volleyball teammates caught me staring at him. I had been cornered and had no choice but to come out. I should’ve lied. I should’ve told him I was lost in thought and didn’t mean to stare at him. But I didn’t. I told him the truth and that was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.

Soon enough the entire team knew about my secret and it’s safe to say they were nowhere near as understanding as my family had been. They started avoiding me like I had some sort of disease that they could catch and die from. They asked me to change in a different room from them and barely talked to me. Some of them were even scared of keeping eye contact with me. As if they could catch my homosexuality by simply looking at me. During practice I felt out of place and during matches, my teammates would no longer follow my orders.

I felt alone, isolated.

That’s why I made it my top priority to go back in the closet during high school. I would be extra careful when changing. I would keep a straight face at all times. I didn’t care if they thought I was being mean to them or if they thought I wasn’t fun to play with; after all, that’s what they’d think of me after the rumors my former teammates had spread to explain why they weren’t following my orders all of a sudden. I was extremely prepared to do this; I had it all planed and there was no way it was going to fail.

But, of course, it did. I just had to meet him, didn’t I? I had seen him during my last year in middle school and I had seen his way of playing and I may or may not have been slightly attracted to him. His passion, his talent, his trust in his teammates and the trust his teammates had in him, but most of all, his smile. That smile he had the moment he got in the stadium and the moment he jumped and the moment he cheered even though he was clearly going to lose. I would have been an idiot if I didn’t find that attractive. Only I was a bigger idiot for doing so.

It simply wasn’t possible. He couldn’t be in the same high school I was. He couldn’t screw my plans up this badly. He couldn’t simply stand there in the middle of the gym smiling and talking big and having that look in his eyes when he talked about volleyball. And yet, here we were, in the same school, in the same team, in the same class, in the same road when we were walking home…it seemed like I couldn’t get rid of him no matter how hard I tried. And every single day that passed, I found it hard to tell myself that there was no way I was falling in love with him. I had to make a herculean effort every day not to stare in a way that guy friends wouldn’t. I had to remind myself every day what it had felt like to toss and have nobody to receive it. But it wasn’t working. If anything, my trying not to fall for him made me notice every little thing he did, and the more I tried to convince myself that that wasn’t attractive at all, the more I found everything he did cute or adorable or sexy.

I started making up plans to avoid what happened in middle school to repeat itself. First, I decided to change before or after Hinata did it. It seemed logical: if I didn’t see his bare muscles flex every time he changed into his sports clothes, then I’d start to lust him less and less over time. I’d be the first to enter the locker room and I’d always stretch for at least ten minutes longer than anyone else, or I’d volunteer to lock up or clean the gym. Needless to say, that plan didn’t go too well. I didn’t get to see his back or his front, but I wasn’t simply attracted to his body (although I can’t say I wasn’t physically attracted to him). I liked Hinata as a whole. I liked him. And I was scared to tell him. I didn’t want him to ignore him. But I knew that if he found out about my secret, he would never talk to me again. So I decided ignore him. I knew it would hurt like hell, but at least this way it would be my choice. And since the entire team thought I hated his guts, he would probably think I had had enough of him.

It took everything I had, but I didn’t talk to Hinata if it wasn’t of vital importance or if it affected the team. During class, I looked at my notes like my life depended on it and if we had some free minutes, I took a book from my bag and pretended to read it. If Hinata tried to talk to me, which he did, I didn’t answer and didn’t move a muscle, as if I hadn’t heard him. During lunch, I went to eat by myself to a different place every day so that he wouldn’t find me. I started changing with everybody else, but I never took my eyes from my locker. At practice, I barely talked to anybody and as soon as we were done, I made a beeline to the locker room, grabbed my staff and left.

I knew that Hinata wouldn’t take this for too long, that he would demand an explanation, but I convinced myself that he would think that I hated him and that was that. However, my plan to evade him only lasted for a month or so.

I was running to my bike to go home when he confronted me. He was standing next to my bike with a sad look on his face. I couldn’t stand that look. I couldn’t stand the thought that I was the one that had made him look like that. But I reminded myself that that expression was by far better than the one he’d have if he knew. This was for the best. This was definitely for the best. I walked to where he was and tried to get my bike and leave, but he took my hand and made me look at him.

“What did I do?” He asked me looking at the floor.

“Nothing. I just got sick of your attitude, that’s it. Now can I leave?” The words were out of my mouth before I could think them. I knew they hurt him. Hell, they hurt _me_ , but I had to say them so that this would be over.

“No, you didn’t.”

“How can you be so sure?” I said, looking down on him.

“Because we are friends.” He looked up and gave me a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I know you hated my guts when we first met, and I know that we didn’t start off on the right foot, but I thought that we were friends now. I mean, we play together and you help me and…I saw that you sometimes smiled when we played together.” He looked almost scared after saying that last bit so he started explaining himself nervously “I…I know you don’t wanna come across like you have feelings and stuff like that, so I didn’t tell anybody, I swear.”

Damn you, Hinata, don’t say stuff like that. Why did you catch me smiling? Nobody was supposed to see me like that, let alone _you_.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. We make a good team, and that’s that. I never saw you like a friend, so you can take that idea out of your head.”

After saying that, I took my bike and started heading home. Well, at least I tried, but I heard some crying and I stopped.

No. No. No, no, no. This can _not_ be happening.

“Then…why did you help me? Why did you talk to me when we were walking together?” He turned me around and forced me to look at him. “Why do you make me feel like I have a friend and then simply ignore me!? Did you plan this!? Did you want to have fun with a guy who never had a team!?”

“No, I did not plan this!” I shouted back at him. “Believe me, I didn’t plan any of this.”

“Then why?” I stayed silent. I had to stay silent. If I talked, I would say everything I wanted to keep a secret. “Why!? Answer me!”

“Because I like you!” I screamed before I realized what I was saying. After I did, I froze. It was happening again. “I…I…” I was lost for words. “I’m sorry.”

“You…like me? And that’s why you were avoiding me?” I nodded while looking at the floor in shame. “I like you too, and I don’t avoid you for that.” He what? “I know you don’t want people to think you have feelings, but there’s nothing wrong in liking your friends.”

I laughed without humor. Of course Hinata would take it like that. He was just too innocent.

“I don’t like you…as a friend…I never did.”

“You didn’t? Then what did you mean by…oh…” I could see realization strike his face. We didn’t say a singe word for a few minutes before he broke the silence. “I’m sorry, Kageyama, but I…I can’t return your feelings.”

I knew it. I knew he was going to say that. Why would he like me? He was the one the entire school was talking about. I heard some girls talking about how cute he was and thinking about asking him out. Why would he think of me in that way?

Now he was going to say how he didn’t want to change in the same room as me. And how he didn’t want to receive my tosses. I was prepared for this. I had mentally prepared himself for this moment, so I closed myself and braced myself.

“But we can still be friends, right?” Hinata said with his trademark smile on his face.

“Eh? What?” That was definitely not what I was expecting. I opened my eyes in surprise and stuttered. “S-s-s-sure.” Then, with a little bit more confidence in my voice I repeated “sure.” At least I could still toss to him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> First Haikyuu fic. Sorry if Kageyama turned out OOC, but this idea practically begged me to write it.  
> Comments are much appreciated, either here or on my tumblr: the2fast2u.tumblr.com


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